Did God Invent Twitter?

A fragment of the Dead Sea Scrolls that has eluded translation by scholars for decades has recently been decoded. The surprising message is:

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If ye would have Him Follow you, ye must Him Follow, yea and Reply to Him and ye answer unto each and every message directed unto you by Him

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The breakthrough was made by Ima Tewittiger of the Zeitgeist Institute in Zurich. Dr. Tewittiger, an ardent Tweeter, said, “One day I took a look at the syntax and it just clicked. There was no doubt in my mind this was a description of Twitter from 100 C.E.

As with many scientific breakthroughs, the discovery raises as many questions as it answers.

How did ancient peoples tweet before God revealed the internet to Al Gore? The prevalent theory is that there was a form of telepathy that permitted direct brain to brain tweeting which was lost when the atmosphere became saturated with radio waves.

What effect will this have on Twitter’s patents? The consensus is that God currently has too many other projects and revenue sources to bother extracting a paltry few billions from Twitter.

Could this be some kind of mistake? Dr. Tewittiger was concerned about this very issue until she found the final, confirming piece of evidence. The transalated fragment is exactly 140 characters in both English and the original Aramaic.